Already got asked if we're dating
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
