is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
