we're blogging at a bar
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
