He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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