Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize