no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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