Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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