I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
