Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
