You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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