Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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