can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
