Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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