She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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