I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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