I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
