ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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