her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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