college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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