woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize