Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
