i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
