It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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