I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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