planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
