So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
