we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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