His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
