drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
