talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
