3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
