Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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