I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
