He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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