This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
