Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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