everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just invented taco cereal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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