If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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