She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize