The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
