Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
