did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
