peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
