I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize