It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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