I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
