He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
