Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
