i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize