I'm going to jail i love you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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