I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
false alarm, still single
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
