my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize