So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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