well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
