My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
