He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
