another moral hangover. fuck.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
