new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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