he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
