Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
