Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
where am i from again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I understand Curling. That high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
