I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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