all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
