how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
