Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize