I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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