I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
