I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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