Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
