last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
