just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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