I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize