glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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