Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
