ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
