I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
