I just cut my nipple shaving
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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