i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize