wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
