there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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