we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize