Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You are a genius and a whore.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
