I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
