you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
