There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize