So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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