Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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