Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
