some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did I show you my penis last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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