I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
