wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
