yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
