whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
