For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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