my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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