come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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