evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why is there bacon in the couch?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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