I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
