I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
