why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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