Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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