nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
