you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
