That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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